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| Your family tree is good, but you are the sap. |
This story is Not Safe for Work and may not be appropriate for some.
An ex-CIA operative named Arti had a younger sister always getting into mischief...
Arti's sister was beautiful, you see. She would use her looks to get things she wanted, but when she got in over her head, she'd always fall back on big brother Arti's special set of skills to help her out. And since he retired early (after becoming partially disabled saving the President's life from a would-be assassin), he always ended up helping her/enabling more exploits.
One day, his sister met an 80-year-old billionaire and began dating him hoping to cash in from his Will when he croaks ("hopefully soon" as she put it). She told Arti this on the phone and he immediately becomes wary.
"Sis, you know this is a bad idea. Once again, you don't know what you're getting yourself into!" She blows him off, enjoying her 5-star hotels and private jets, and then the big day came - the old geezer proposed with a diamond the size of a ring pop.
She enthusiastically said "Yes!" and they married on his private island in the Pacific. It was a ridiculous sight - a slumping, 80-year-old magnate and his beautiful, dolled-up bride, 50 years his junior.
But things change very quickly. Before the marriage, she was living lavishly - using his platinum credit card to her heart's desire, driving luxury cars (or better yet, being chauffeured), and traveling the world in style. But after the honeymoon, the geriatric fat-cat laid down some rules for his wife - a $5k monthly LIMIT on the platinum card, ONE international trip per year, chauffer only on WEEKENDS, and more - it was too much for her to bear.
And even worse, his health was seemingly improving! He was always bragging about his perfect health report from his doctor and even running 5ks and swimming laps in their indoor pool. He had top-of-the-line medical professionals and physical therapists on call 24/7 for any slight deficiency or physical malady. "I can't die! My work is too important!" he would joke, but his wife started to think it was true.
After a year of this, Arti's sister called him up. "Brother, I can't take this anymore. He tracks me everywhere I go, limits my spending, I can't even have my girlfriends over to our private cocktail bar! I feel like a prisoner. You have to help me..."
"And what do you propose, oh genius sister of mine?" Arti replied sarcastically, having heard this plea many times before.
The phone went silent. "Arti I...I need you to kill him."
Arti hung up. He wouldn't entertain this. But his sister was desperate. She called back repeatedly and insisted on her demand, pestering him for months.
"If you kill him, I'll give you any sum you need to leave the country, form a new identity, live on a remote island - anything you need! The Will is going to make me a fortune enough for both of us!"
After months of thinking, Arti once again failed to say no to his helpless sister. He agreed to one last assassination, then he was done helping her for good. He began tracking the old man's routine, following his entourage discreetly trying to find the best method to take out the businessman. He discovered there was ONE occasion when he was all alone - each week, there was an Amish farmer's market he would go to anonymously to take in some privacy and brush shoulders with the common folk. There were lots of stalls and trailers and carts that obscured everyone's view. With his fiber wire, a well-timed strangulation would take less than a minute and he could walk away in the crowd, home free.
Then the day came. He followed the old man through the farmer's market, ensuring no guards were with him. Then, after a half hour or so, the old man turned a corner toward the edge of the market and Arti's heart began racing. He couldn't believe his luck - the old man...was going to take a piss! He intentionally walked to a place out-of-view to relieve himself and Arti took his chance. His fiber wire was around the old man's neck for one second, and the job was done.
His arteries had been severed and he bled out before he suffocated. Arti turned to make his getaway in the blended crowd and froze - a man with an armful of corn was staring at him - a witness. Arti had no choice. He lunged forward with his fiber wire and strangled the life out of the witness as well - but not before the victim was able to let out a warning scream and attract attention. The plan failed. Arti tried running away, but his escape was foiled due to his partial disability and he was in police custody within the hour.
To make a bad situation even worse, the old man was never planning on making his sister a rich widow - she found a hidden copy in his safe, which read, "to my selfish wife: I've always seen through your cold, material heart, and to teach you a lesson, I leave you $1.00." A billionaire and a blameless bystander - dead for so little. While the plotting widow would eventually become infamous, initial reports focused solely on the double murder, as summed up in one newspaper headline:
"At the Farmer's Market, Arti Chokes Two for $1.00"
Image: ©Storyteller/ร Firestone
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