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| What do you call a cringe cheese ad? Cheesy. |
In a small town, there lived a brilliant young cheesemaker named Chester. Chester spent hours every day refining the textures and flavors of his cheeses and on Saturday mornings, would set up his stand at the local farmer’s market and sell them.
He sold all sorts of cheeses. Cheddar, feta, Swiss, brie, mozzarella, provolone, you name it, he sold it. And boy, were they incredible. Savory, milky, pungent, and mild all at once. The flavors would delightfully dance on your palette as a warm joy spread throughout your body. The townspeople loved it and each week would buy every ounce of cheese he brought.
The townspeople were so passionate about his cheeses, they convinced him to take it to compete at the County Fair. Chester obliged. He arrived at the fair, set up at the very end of the row, and excitedly waited for the judging to start. This was his first cheese contest ever so he was nervous but excited to show off his cheeses.
The judges finally arrived at his table, tasted his cheese, and were instantly elated! The flavors delightfully danced on their palettes as warm happiness spread throughout their bodies.
“Sensational!” squealed one judge. “Transformational!” shouted another. “Inspirational!” exclaimed a third. They gave Chester a first-place ribbon and invited him to compete at the State Fair.
The State Fair went much like the County Fair. The judges arrived at his table, tasted his cheese, and the flavors delightfully danced on their palettes as a warm joy spread throughout their bodies. He took first place once again! Delighted at his success, Chester started entering competition after competition, gaining attention, and consistently winning first place for his cheeses.
This new success had him selling more cheese than ever and he needed more space to keep up with the demand. Chester decided to build a factory in his hometown. Major investors scrambled to take part and soon Chester was producing 1,000lbs of cheese each day.
Word of Chester’s cheese began to spread throughout the cheese world and he was invited to compete at The World Championship Cheese Contest, the most prestigious cheesemaking competition in the world. At the contest, he met the world’s top cheesemakers who congratulated him on his success and wished him luck.
The judging began and one by one, the judges approached each cheesemaker and tasted their cheese. When the judges arrived at Chester’s table, the room went silent. Everyone was eager to see their reactions. They tasted his cheese and WOW. The flavors delightfully danced on their palettes as a warm joy spread throughout their bodies. The judges happily awarded him first place and crowned his cheese as the best in the world!
The factory increased its daily production to 10,000lbs of cheese and developed state-of-the-art cheese technology, unlike anything the cheese world had ever seen. The peaceful whirring of machinery was like music. People come from all around the world to tour the factory and taste the cheeses. They couldn’t get enough of it! Chester’s cheeses started appearing in Michelin-star restaurants and he became a mainstream celebrity. He flew worldwide, appearing on talk shows, taking photos with fans, and signing autographs. The town erected a statue in Chester’s honor as his cheeses had made the whole town rich. The need for production increased daily. 100,000 lbs per day, a million, a billion! More and more cheese! Chester’s cheeses made the world a happy place.
50 years went by and Chester’s cheese continued to flourish, but he was getting old and it was time for him to sell. One day, a wealthy businessman made him an astronomical offer for his cheeses, and just like that, Chester sold the factory. Elated, the businessman asked Chester for a tour of the factory. Chester obliged.
He took the businessman to the Grand Accolade Room, filled with ribbons, trophies, and plaques awarded to the cheeses over the years. He showed him the milk locker, the coagulation chamber, and the aging room where the pungent smell of world-class cheese permeated the air. The businessman was delighted with his purchase. They ended the tour out front, nibbling on cheese as they admired such a gastronomical achievement.
Then, something started to happen. The beautiful sounds of harmonious, churning machinery transformed into a resounding, grinding cacophony. The jarring noise grew louder and louder as black smoke billowed up. The building started to give off heat as the grinding grew louder still.
Then, BOOM! The factory exploded in a magnificent fiery eruption. Millions of pounds of burning cheddar blasted in all directions. Mountains of Monterey Jack were charred by flames as molten provolone rained from the sky. The whole building was engulfed by the inferno as Chester and the businessman watched in horror. When the flames subsided Chester walked around assessing the damage, scanning for salvageable cheese.
After some time, the businessman approached Chester. “Is there anything left?”
Chester shrugged his shoulders and sighed. “Just de brie.”
Image: © Rosshelen | Dreamstime.com
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