The Department of Justice was putting together a new special forces unit...
In response to rising global tensions the DOD decided a new, elite top secret unit was needed. Recruits were assembled from the special forces units of all branches.
A panel of generals, high level intelligence officers and congressmen is formed to begin interviews. The first interviewee is from the Air Force.
He enters the interview room and takes a seat in front of the panel. He crosses his legs and throws an arm over the back of the chair. "What's up?" He asks.
"We've asked you here today because of your many notable accomplishments, ability as a leader, you are emulated by your peers and received the highest accolades from your superiors. We would like to offer you a position in a new, elite, top tier secret forces unit"
"Cool." He says, "Will I still get to play my Xbox?"
The panel is taken back, but often eccentricity is the price of exceptionalism.
"Yes, you will have adequate down time to play your Xbox. Before continuing further, is this something you are interested in being part of?"
"Well, I guess so. I mean, if I can still play my Xbox then OK."
"Excellent. Rather than subject you to hours of questioning we have only one test to demonstrate your commitment and loyalty. You will be required to sever all ties with your family and friends. You will disappear. Are you ready for the one and only test?"
"Sure. Why not?" He says.
"Tape to the bottom of your chair is a gun. Reach underneath, take it and go in to the next room. You'll find your girlfriend sitting in a chair. To demonstrate your willingness to never go back to your old life you need to shoot her."
"Whoah, hey. Sorry guys. I do my killing with a button. Usually I'm the one sitting in the chair, preferably with a coffee. I don't 'do' guns, man."
He leaves. Disappointed, the panel moves forward.
Next to enter is a Navy Seal. He runs his hand through his hair a few times before taking a seat. "Sup Bras, just got back from the pool. Doin' laps. No Big Deal. What's up?"
The Seal is briefed on the mission.
"I dunno bra, like, it sounds like it will seriously cut down on my time to do laps."
The Seal is assured he will still have time to go swimming.
"Ok, bra, cus like, swimming - It's What I Do."
"... In the next room is your girlfriend."
"Hey, easy bra. 'Girlfriend'? I don't have a girlfriend, and if I did you would have to be more specific - which one?"
"... take the gun and go next door..."
The Seal removes his aviator sunglasses for the first time and says "I dunno bra. I think, I think maybe I'm just going to go do some more laps. Peace brosephs."
Dismayed, the panel pushes forward. The next recruit, an Army Ranger, Ghost Recon.
"Hoahh sirs and ma'ams. Army Strong. Can I get a Hooah?"
The mission is explained.
"And a motivated Hooah to that sir."
"... take this gun..."
"Negative, sir. No can do, not without my battle buddy." And he gets up and leaves.
The panelists are now visibly upset. One general speaks up "Is anyone left?"
"Just one. A marine gunnery sergeant."
"Well send him in"
The Gunny is called for. He enters without a word. He takes a seat at attention, right hand right knee, left hand left knee, back straight, mouth shut. Motionless.
The mission is explained.
"Tracking sir, sign me up."
"Excellent Gunny. In the next room is your ex-wife... take the gun..."
Before the interviewer can finish the Gunny reaches underneath his seat, takes the gun and walks in to the next room. Immediately, 7 shots are fired, followed by loud screaming. The sounds of a struggle are obvious. The panelists look to each other, worried.
A loud crash is followed by several dull 'thud' sounds. Everything goes silent and the door opens. Out walks the gunny, covered in scratches and cuts. His clothing is torn, blood is running down the side of his face.
"Gunny! What the Hell happened?"
"Well," he says. "Some asshole loaded the gun with blanks. So I smashed the chair over her head, broke off one of the legs and beat her to death with it."
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