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| I don’t have a lot of barber jokes, but I have a little off the top... of my head. |
Hello, my name is John and I would like to tell you about the time I entered a hairstyle competition. You see, I have always loved trying out different hairstyles and colors. It is something I have put great effort into!
It was about February of last year that the idea of entering a hairstyle competition crossed my mind when I was walking around in town and saw a flyer on a board. It said something along the lines of "Calling all hair extraordinaires! $1000 prize for the best hairstyle!" I saw that it was almost exactly a year away. Plenty of time to grow my hair into an extraordinary style! The flyer had a chunk of writing missing out of the bottom but overall looked legit, so I considered giving it a shot.
Throughout the following weeks I became more and more invested in this competition. I started sketching ideas. One was an all light blue color, sprayed straight up to the sky. The next was a green, red and yellow combo in liberty spikes. They were pretty good, but none seemed quite right.
On day I was sitting on the couch flipping through channels when Dr Phil came on and I got an idea. Wouldn't it be hilarious - I thought, if I had that but the part with hair was super long! While this would certainly not be a cool hairstyle, I realized that I had to do something profound and unique if I wanted to stand a chance in this competition! If I showed up with something which I deem "boringly unique" like a mohawk or a mullet I sure to lose! That was it, I was determined to somehow end up with this legendary hairstyle I had in mind, it would be my win, my moment! I was going to do it!
Now I knew it would be difficult to recreate Dr Phil's legendary male pattern baldness doo on top as I have been blessed with thick hair! I was going to have to shave it constantly, but it was worth the effort, worth the effort for sweet, sweet victory! I got a quality razor, the "Merkur Futur Adjustable Safety Razor" to be exact! I carefully parted my hair buzzed down and trimmed the top with my beard trimmer and then lathered up shaving cream and shaved my mop of hair. I'll be honest, not the greatest look but the sides were not particularly long at this point so at least it just looked like your standard skullet. It was alright really, I could wear baseball caps and look as normal as everyone else. No worries! Now it was all about growing those sides out, I realized that the possibility of having extensions might be needed but I was going to get them as long as possible first.
It was at about the halfway point to the competition now and it wasn't until then that I realized I probably could have just grown it all out and then shaved the top close to the competition but whatever! I was saving 25% of hairs worth of Shampoo and Conditioner! So, I shaved and grew and shaved and grew for another couple of months and the competition was vastly approaching. I decided extensions were the way to go and so I looked online and found a great set! I tested them out and they went down to my knees, perfect!
After all this waiting it was finally the night before the competition! I was feeling the nerves, it would suck to put all that effort in not to win! I went to the store to get my styling supplies, spray, straighteners, curlers. You name it, I had it in that shopping cart. I reassured myself my hair had to be the best and went to sleep.
The day of was here! I got up at 5 o'clock ready to style my hair for the contest. First, I freshly shaved the top. Second, I dried and straightened the sides and back. I placed the extensions in carefully and began straightening. I then curled some parts and platted others. In the end my hair was looking like the perfect mess I had been looking for. Bald as an egg on the top and flowing and luscious on the sides and back. I was ready!
I got in the car carefully making sure not to mess anything up, I glanced over at the flyer for the address and I was on my way. I showed up to the venue super early, I thought it would be fun to get to know everybody and just chill! I could feel my heart beating out of my chest, I took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. The event person greeted me with a smile and said "welcome!"
"thanks!" I responded
He then glanced down briefly and said, "You've really dressed up for the occasion haven't you!"
"Indeed!" I said, "I mean, I had to!"
"Ah!" he said "Best of luck my friend...so...where is the little fella?"
"I'm sorry?" I retorted
"Where's your dog?" "If they have hair anything as extraordinary as yours, they're sure to win!"
Image: Hermandesign / Storyteller
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