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| The past, present, and future walk into a bar. It was tense. |
A guy walks into a bar and demands 3 shots of tequila. Bartender obliges and says, "rough day?". "You have no idea!", the guy replies as he slams down the shots...
He begins telling him about his horrible day when a jar full of money at the end of the bar catches his eye. "What's that jar of money for over there? It's full to the brim of $10's and $20's!"
Bartender tells him it's a challenge he offers to his patrons, $10 to play, and you have to complete 3 special tasks that he makes up for you to do on the fly.
The guys strolls to the end of the bar, tosses in $10 and demands 3 more shots of tequila. The bartender pours 'em and the guy slams 'em down. "Now what are these three tasks?", the guy inquires with a slight slur.
"First, you see that bouncer out there, across the street? You gotta knock him out in one blow"
The guy raises his eyebrows.
"Second, I found a pitbull, got him tied up out back. I think he's got a bad tooth, but I dont know if the poor guy's got rabies. I need you to pull that tooth for me"
"Shit!", the guy mutters.
"Lastly, my mom is pushing 70 years old, she lives in the loft above the bar, just up those stairs. I need you to go up there and give here some loving that will blow her mind, it's been so many years since she's had any. Once she confirms that she's satisfied, the whole jar of money is yours to keep."
"I'm going to need three more shots of tequila", the man requests, clearly shaken by the three daunting tasks ahead of him. He slams the three shots down and slides off his barstool.
He swaggers across the bar, dragging his barstool behind him. Gets outside, across the street, hoists the stool above his head and "WHAM!", knocks the bouncer out with one blow.
Shocked with his success, the guy stumbles back into the bar. "The dog?", he asks the bartender, who simply points to the door behind him leading to the alleyway. The drunken guy falls out the back door where there is an eruption of vicious barking.
"WOOF WOOF WOOF... GRRRRRRRR..."
"OWWW, SHIT, MY GOD!"
"WOOF WOOF *BITING* *CHOMPING*"
"OH JESUS! FUCK ME!"
"*YELPING* *LOUD PANTING* GRRRRRR!"
"TAKE THAT LASSIE! WHOS THE BITCH NOW"
*SILENCE*
The back door flies open, the drunken guy falls through the doorway, his shirt ripped to shreds, blood and bite marks all over, he can barely catch his breath. After a few minutes he finally collects himself enough to ask...
"Alright, now where's that old lady with the bum tooth?"
Image: © Bob Harvey
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